Sexy Beast

[frandroid]

The Mysteries of the Giant Pacific Octopus
For reluctance, hsifyppah, sabotabby and all others.

Choice quotes:

(Txori's mustachioed chef, Joseba Jiménez de Jiménez, is currently in Spain, in part to sort out their octopus situation.)

We were in a nice restaurant near Osaka, in a private upstairs room with dark cedar paneling. I was sitting with my legs crossed on a tatami-mat floor while 20 Japanese adults eagerly studied my expression as a mouthful of raw, writhing octopus tentacle attacked my cheeks and tongue. That tentacle had been attached to a living octopus only minutes ago, finely chopped, and set before me in what looked like a bowl of pale, squirming worm parts. Its suckers flexed spastically as I chewed, trying to hurt me as much as I was hurting it.

Unlike humans with dementia, senescent octopuses sometimes chew off their own arms.

DO NOT buy it

If Buster is a boy, he'll have a special tentacle (the third to the right, going clockwise, from the front of its mantle) that is both an arm and a dick. And, since the suction cups on octopuses* also function as taste buds, his special tentacle will be an arm and a dick and a tongue—making all octopus sex fisting and intercourse and cunnilingus, relatively.

Hat tip: purveyorofchaos